just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
