my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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