I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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