I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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