Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
