So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
