shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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