I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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