dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
