i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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