help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
