Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
