I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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