Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
