They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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