i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
