I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
