Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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