Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Screwed.edu
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
