She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It's shark week go big or go home
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
