Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
