I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize