i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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