I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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