Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
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Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
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time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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