i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm too high and old for this...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
