oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
