Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
