Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
