and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
