Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
