So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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