rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
this boner is exhausting
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
