I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
