i don't plan on having that self control this summer
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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