are you still at the devil's house?
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
