well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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