Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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