It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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