she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize