why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
