so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
