Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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