best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
