Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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