who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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