im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
