I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
