Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
