Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
