it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
