So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
