Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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