I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
