i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
