i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
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you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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