You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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