Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize